“Hey John, how’s your date going?”
“Scott, it wasn’t a DATE. It was just two friends out for dinner and a chat.”
“Was?”
“Yeah… that’s the thing. We sort of gained another person.”
“Male or female?”
“Female… Ridley and I were enjoying the most delicious Fettuccine Alfredo, when Nibs passed the window and… well, it all happened so quickly.”
“Go on…”
“Nibs stormed in, quite irate… Scott, women are quite scary when they are angry, but at the same time it was quite fascinating watch. There was hair flying and scratching and…”
“I told you dating Nibs and Ridley at the same time wasn’t going to work.”
“I was not DATING either of them. Consensual activities aside, I was…AM just friends with both of them. Dating has a certain degree of commitment and regularity, and as you fine well know our jobs don’t exactly leave any room for that consistency. ”
“Fine, whatever you say, but we’ve gone off topic. I don’t hear any screeching in the background.”
“No, see that’s the thing. While it escalated rather quickly… speaking of which, the reason for this call is to let the lawyers know they are going to get a damages bill for a couple of tables, a few chairs, and several glasses. I believe there might be a mirror as well…”
“Jeezus John…”
“Well you know that advice you gave about not getting in between two women who are fighting?”
“Women are nasty fighters. Us guys have certain rules, women don’t respect the not below the belt rule, yadda yadda yadda… WHAT HAPPENED?”
“Well I didn’t, and so the staff huckled them into the street and it carried of for a minute or so, but then they just stopped and…”
“Aaaaannd?”
“..and then… well… they stopped fighting and..”
“For fuck’s sake John what?”
“The next thing I know they were… making out! There. On the sidewalk. In the rain?”
“Ooooh…ummm.”
“Then I was ordered to hail a taxi, I was dragged in beside them, the aforementioned making out continued. And now all three of us are back at the hotel.”
“….aaaand….”
“Well now they are in the shower… together… washing off the dirt and dried blood. They said to give them a couple of minutes, so I called you to tell you about the bill the lawyers will get.”
“John… do me ONE favour.”
“Yes Scott?”
“Hang the fuck up and get into that shower with them you lucky fucker.”
21/11/17
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